Creative Correction
The responsibility of parents is to raise godly offspring (Malachi 2:15). In order to accomplish that goal, parents must instruct children in truth and righteousness and discipline them so that they do what they have been taught to do (Ephesians 6:4). When a child purposely does something wrong (i.e. tells a lie, is disrespectful, steals something, acts violently or lewdly, breaks something due to negligence, etc.) good parents must correct the child. There are occasions when verbal correction (backed up by the threat of a spanking or paddling when necessary) is sufficient—only remember that if you threaten to spank, and your child tests your resolve, pass the test, do it. Do not argue with your child. Do not plead with your child. Speak firmly. Be consistent always. Be a parent: tell your child what you expect and see to it that it is done. If you have to raise your voice to get your child’s attention, do so, but avoid yelling.
On the other hand, there are occasions when verbal correction will not do at all. When your child blatantly crosses a serious boundary, some form of serious consequence must follow. Every child is different. Some children respond well to spanking, while others do not. Every child has something he values, and knowing what it is, is the key to being able to discipline effectively. Whereas one child may do right out of the fear of a spanking, another may consider that an easy out (especially certain headstrong little boys). Such a child would be better disciplined by losing a privilege, or losing something he enjoys. Remember though: “Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil” (Ecclesiastes 8:11 ESV). Don’t put off dealing with misbehavior. Handle it promptly. Also, while it is often appropriate to “ground” a child from something for up to a few weeks, any longer than that can become a source of exasperation. If the child needs to be parted from something for more than three weeks or a month, it’s likely that he doesn’t need it at all.
There are also occasions when a child’s misdeed presents parents with a special opportunity to build their child’s own self-discipline. On these occasions good parents practice creative correction to build the child’s character. When a child breaks something through negligence a spanking hardly accomplishes anything beyond punishment, and remember that punishment alone is not discipline. In such a situation have the child take responsibility for his actions by replacing or repairing the broken object with his own time and money. If the child has no money, extra chores to earn it are in order. If a child steals something, make him return the item himself. If a child mistreats another, ask him how he would like it if someone treated him that way, and make him apologetically make amends with the offended one. There are many ways to creatively discipline children. Many parents have been faithful to punish their children as they did wrong only to have their children grow up to rebel against them and the Lord. That has led some to argue that there is “no way to know how your children will turn out.” Solomon disagreed (Proverbs 22:6). Let the parents of adults who do not serve the Lord remember that parenthood is a lifelong task and that every young person will come to a fork in the road of life and have to make his or her own decisions. Proverbs 22:6 is a general truth; not a law. However, those currently raising children should trust the Proverb and parent in a consistent, godly way. Never forget that punishment is rarely enough to mold and shape character. Punishment must fit the error, and be done in a thoughtful, loving, instructional environment. It must be only one part of the plan to mold and shape the minds of our beloved children. Only then is it godly discipline. —JLP
Comments
When most authors in the New Testament speak of being more Christ like they often mention teaching and love as major components. I believe we must first apply these to our immediate families before we can be confident to speak with others. Paul letters to Timothy told him to be bold in his teaching and be an example for all to follow. With our families as well as with others being an example is extremely important. Your kids see you in action, as the saying goes, “someone is always watching and sitting in the front row are your kids.” As a person with a quick fuse, I often find myself asking, what do I want my kids to see, my anger toward someone who has wornged me or the forgiveness that Jesus had whey he prayed to God to ” Forgive them for they no not what they do?”
Back to the love and teaching. I believe these to be major components in raising our kids as instructed by God. If I simply repremand my kids and do not instruct of show love they will despise me and all that I try to teach. By using a consistent and firm disposition when punishing I allow them to see that I do it for the right reasons. Explaining/ teaching to my kids why they have to be punished for doing wrong also shows love and compassion. Showing love while punishing isn’t that what God does to us.
Additionally, I agree that waiting to punish a child basically negates the punishment, by that point a young child has forgotten what they have done. But this does bring up a question I would like more insight on, What about punishment in public? In today’s time people believe it is there business if you punish a child while in the grocery store or Wal-mart(the capital of crying kids). I would like to hear your comments on this?
I agree with you, Kevin. One of the most powerful teaching tools available is by example. I personally try to teach my kids right from wrong and back that up with a worthy example. I can’t instruct my kids to be rational and clear-headed when facing conflict, and then fly off-the-handle when things don’t go my way. What kind of example is that?!! As Christians, we have an even greater responsibility to demonstrate to our kids and the population what being a godly servant is.
Punishment in public is challenging. I’ve heard it said that you shouldn’t discipline in public unless you are also willing to praise your children in public. That sounds easy, but it also requires an attentive parent. It can be easy to forget to reward a polite, well-behaved child. My personal belief is discipline is most effective when performed in private. When anything is done in public, you are inviting the public into your business. When I was growing up and I mis-behaved to the point of necessary discipline, my parents would park the grocery cart and we would go to the car. If I still was unwilling to submit, we would make a trip home to receive my deserved discipline.
Being a parent is one of the greatest achievements of my life. It involves love, patience, sacrifice, selflessness, etc. It has taught me so much about myself and how I know God would have me to be. I liken it to having God at my side: holding my finger, talking to me about the impact my day is having on their lives, sharing our plans for the future, confiding in one another the problems we are facing. It is TRULY awesome.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Kevin.
These days one has to be careful about disciplining a child in public. Keep two things in mind: (1) As a parent, you must always maintain appropriate control of your children, if they think your hands are tied in wal-mart or the restaurant, look out! (2) While I think spanking is an entirely appropriate, if not essential, part of parental discipline, you know that there are vigilantes out there that think it’s wrong to spank at all. Unfortunately, there are judges that seem to agree with them. Whether or not your particular form of “spanking” is out of line, one accusation can land you in police custody fighting to beat the charges. Let’s just do our best to avoid that altogether.
I think my parents handled things appropriately even before going to jail for spanking your child was much of an issue. My wife’s parents did the same things. It’s worked beautifully for my wife and I as well. When a child acts up in public, let them know with a stern look and stern verbal warning that the behavior will not be tolerated, and if continued, will result in leaving the store/restaurant immediately for whatever sort of punishment is appropriate. I remember my mother leaving her cart and taking me or one of my siblings out to the car and away to a place more appropriate for disciplining us. It worked. She only had to be inconvenienced a couple of times until we got her point. Parents who are not willing to be so inconvenienced face the incovenience of misbehavior constantly. Leave that cart full of groceries, take the child and go! (Sorry for whomever has to restock the shelves if the cart is full, but it’s necessary.) In restaurants, when my children have acted up, they get warned, then taken to the bathroom for a serious confrontation, then out to the van to sit with either my wife or me until the rest of the family gets finished eating. They learn that they do not have power over the family. Yes, they may cause one parent to have to sit with them in the car, but they’ll be miserable, and the rest of the family will eat in peace (along with everyone else in the restaraunt). You won’t have to do this more than once or twice until your child will have learned how to act in a restaurant. From then on… peace! Sweet peace.
So, it comes down to being smarter than your child, and being willing to be inconvenienced to make the point that they have to obey you and act appropriately.
—JLP
Thanks for reading and commenting Charlie. Excellent thoughts! —JLP
“Parents who are not willing to be so inconvenienced face the inconvenience of misbehavior constantly.” Cute phrasing and oh, so true!! AMEN. Sometimes, to punish your kids; you have to punish yourself also. Inconvenience isn’t so bad when you look at the bigger picture.