#131 LOVE

Love, what in the world is it?  Poets and writers, scholars and all kinds of romanticist have tried for centuries to define it.  Notice I said they've tried to define it.  I guess it’s hard to do because well feelings are hard to put into one cluster of words.  I think Gwendolyn Webb has done a fantastic job though where in her book, Training Up a Child, she discusses three levels of love, and you might find them interesting.

Three levels of love.  First, there's that kind called possessive love.  Now possessive love is basically selfish and usually it's the infant who has it.  Possessive love says, "I want you therefore I love you." You've seen a child portrait possessive love when he clings to his mother and pushes his brothers and sisters away and says, "This is my mommy and you can't have her!" Now, I say it usually happens in infants, a lot of times possessive love is the kind of love that takes place in a new romance.  A young man observes a young lady on a college campus and he makes arrangements to meet her.  He likes what he sees, he wants therefore he's attracted to her.

There is a second level of love and it's a more mature kind, yet it's still basically selfish.  This second level is called conditional love.  Now by conditional love I mean that the person says, "I need you therefore I love you." That young man on the college campus when he dates the girl and their relationship grows he realizes that for his life to be complete he actually needs her.  It's not that he just wants her now, like he wants an ice cream cone once in awhile, but his attraction to her has filled his life and now he needs her, and because he needs her he loves her.  The sad thing about many marriages though is there are many people who never progress past this second level.  All their lives they are basically selfish, they are possessive -- "I want you therefore I love you", and they may get so emotionally involved they become conditional with their love where they say then -- "As long as I need you I'll love you." But for a marriage to last and to grow and to do something, for a marriage to make two people mature and successful and happy, the two people must independently progress to this third level of love.

Now this level is one that is extremely mature and a lot of people nowadays don't ever arrive there.  I'm talking about the sacrificial level.  Now this is the unselfish level, where a person says, "You need me therefore I love you." You see, the first one I mentioned says, "I want you therefore I love you." The second says, "I need you therefore I love you."  But this one says, "You need me therefore I love you." For a marriage to last, the two individuals must voluntarily begin giving up themselves for their partner's sake.  It's like Mrs. Webb says in her book, Training Up a Child, and I quote "She will give him marital love not because she feels especially like making love tonight or will fix him beef stroganoff for supper, not because it’s her favorite dish but these are favors he desires.  He then will take her out for dinner or home to see her parents, not because he delights in getting out for the evening or making a long journey but because theses are considerations that will promote their happiness together.  This kind of love is sacrificial love where an individual sees his partner needs him and in his love he will always sacrifice himself for her and her for him.  The Bible calls this sacrificial love, and this is a Bible word, agape.  Where two people agape one another that marriage will last.